Welcoming Widows of War

July 1, 2024

Ukrainian women who have lost their husbands receive material, psychological and spiritual aid with the Order’s support

By Karolina Świder

July 1, 2024

A woman holds her son during a Divine Liturgy in the chapel of the Ivano-Frankivsk Theological Seminary Dec. 30. The liturgy for families of fallen soldiers was organized by Holy Martyr Josaphat Council 18318. (Photo by Andrey Gorb)

“We pray for the women who have lost their husbands to the war,” said Oksana Zhukovska in a soft, recollected voice, as she led the prayer for the first day of a novena for peace and healing in Ukraine. “May the Lord fill the wounds of their hearts with the oil of grace, particularly the virtues of faith, hope and love.”

Zhukovska keenly felt every word she spoke in a brief video released by the Knights of Columbus this past February, marking the second anniversary of Russia’s invasion. She herself lost her husband to the war in August 2023 and is now providing for their two sons on her own. On Day 1 of the novena, Knights Orderwide and their families prayed with her and for her — and for the thousands of women like her. The exact number of casualties has not been disclosed, but according to even the lowest estimates, tens of thousands of Ukrainian military personnel — many of them married with children — have been killed during the more than two years of full-scale war.

From the start, Knights in Ukraine have worked tirelessly to deliver material aid to women and children with the support of the Ukraine Solidarity Fund, and they continue to do so. Increasingly, they are also finding ways to help widows like Zhukovska emotionally and spiritually, with social events, counseling programs and pilgrimages that offer consolation.

“Supporting widows and orphans has been a central mission of the Knights of Columbus since its founding by Blessed Michael McGivney,” said Immediate Past State Deputy Youriy Maletskiy. “We are advancing this mission here in Ukraine, during this difficult time.”

‘SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS’

Since the spring of 2022, Knights in Ukraine and Poland have distributed more than 250,000 care packages to displaced families and others affected by the war. Within the first months, however, they began noticing something odd: Some people were coming to Knights of Columbus Mercy Centers and other parish-based distributions but not taking any humanitarian aid.

“When we asked why they didn’t take food boxes, they answered that they didn’t need them,” Maletskiy explained. “They just wanted to talk and be with someone who could understand them without too many explanations.”

In response, K of C councils throughout Ukraine began grassroots efforts to provide psychological support and community for suffering families.

Members of Sts. Borys and Hlib Council 17740 in Fastiv serve guests during a Christmas dinner for bereaved families Jan. 5. (Photo by Andrey Gorb) — Members of Sts. Borys and Hlib Council 17740 in Fastiv serve guests during a Christmas dinner for bereaved families Jan. 5. *(Photo by Andrey Gorb)*

For example, during the Christmas season this past year, Knights organized a series of Christmas dinners for widows and their children. Celebrated as “Prosphora” (named for the small loaves of bread used in the liturgy) in the Greek rite and as “Wigilia” (or Christmas vigil) in the Latin rite, the dinners were an occasion not only to share a meal, but also to share their common experience of life after loss.

Halyna Batiuk, one of the widows taking part in a Christmas dinner in Ivano-Frankivsk, explained: “I am the wife of a deceased soldier. He was the most important person in my life, and meeting people who know this pain is very important for me.”

Yulia Svirska, a widow who participated in a Prosphora in Fastiv, admitted, “Since the death of my husband, the father of our four children, we have not celebrated holidays.”

Yet something changed for her this year: “Here I realized that we are united together as a family. I felt great warmth and kindness here.”

Knights in Zolochiv, Chervonohrad and Kyiv also received guests to share a Christmas meal and pray together, even amid missile attacks.

Mykhailo Tsiapych, deputy grand knight of Sts. Borys and Hlib Council 17740 in Fastiv, said, “What these women fear more than the air raid alarms is the feeling of being abandoned and alone.”

One of the Order’s most significant partnerships in Ukraine has been with STEP-IN, a Slovakian-based nonprofit that operates medical clinics, provides first-aid training, and offers psychological assistance. Following a dinner for widows hosted by the Knights in Fastiv, the Ukraine State Council invited STEP-IN to lead a family counseling program at the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Parish of St. Demetrius.

Women whose husbands have died in the war participate in a K of C-sponsored counseling program in Fastiv in April. (Photo by Andrey Gorb) — Women whose husbands have died in the war participate in a K of C-sponsored counseling program in Fastiv in April. *(Photo by Andrey Gorb)*

“Our mission is to restore health and dignity to every participant,” explained Yuliia Luita, STEP-IN regional coordinator for the project.

In recent months, a group of 11 women and their 16 children, from 5 to 11 years old, have been meeting with psychologists regularly in both individual and collective sessions. Participants were carefully selected, as not everyone is able to benefit from group therapy.

The psychologists use “Tuning In to Kids,” a parenting model developed in Australia, to help mothers understand their children’s complex emotions even as they cope with their own. Hence, by helping the women, the program is also helping their children.

“No mom can replace a dad,” affirmed Iryna Musaieva- Levandovska, one of the mothers participating in the meetings. “The child will grow up with scars. That’s why this communication project is so important. And the more such projects there are to resuscitate such women, the better.”

LIFE AFTER DEATH

As crucial as psychological help is, families of the fallen in Ukraine are also in desperate need of hope — the kind of hope that surpasses death and can only be found in God. To help widows find comfort in their faith, Ukrainian Knights began organizing prayer meetings and pilgrimages for those whose loved ones have died.

In March 2023, District Deputy Mykhailo Chipak and Grand Knight Vasyl Zvarych of St. John Bosco Council 16846 in Lviv first invited widows and parents of soldiers who have been killed to pray the rosary with the Knights.

“People experiencing loss and grief need to be supported psychologically and spiritually,” explained Zvarych.

“After participating in those meetings, I noticed that my children changed, became more open and responsive,” said Ivanna, a widow with eight children. “They somehow came to realize that life does not end with this tragedy.”

Following Council 16846’s lead, Knights in Kyiv, Ivano-Frankivsk and Fastiv started forming similar prayer groups. The aim was simple — to let God heal the wounds of war and give the victims an opportunity to pray with other people for their deceased family members, and to talk with a priest.

By the third meeting in Lviv, the idea of making a pilgrimage to Krekhiv Monastery emerged. The 17th-century monastic complex holds a special place in the hearts of Ukrainian Greek Catholics, as it is known for its miraculous icon of the Mother of God.

In July 2023, approximately 50 people — widows and parents of fallen soldiers, along with Knights from Council 16846 — traveled to the monastery, some 20 miles northwest of Lviv. They offered up their pilgrimage and prayers for the souls of the loved ones they lost.

Father Roman Bodnar, a priest who accompanied the pilgrims, said that the death of a loved can sometimes tempt survivors to lose faith, but it is also an opportunity to regain it. For the people around the suffering family — and for Knights and other Catholics everywhere — it is also an opportunity to “weep with those who weep.”

Oksana Zhukovska, the voice of Ukrainian widows in the Order’s novena for peace and healing in February, agreed to participate in the video in the hopes of encouraging that prayerful solidarity.

“I want to convey to the whole world how much pain Ukraine is going through,” Zhukovska said. “And I also want to convey how much we, in Ukraine, believe in prayer, in God’s power and grace. We ask the whole world to pray for us.”

To learn more about the Order’s Ukraine Solidarity Fund and associated efforts, visit kofc.org/ukraine.

*****

KAROLINA ŚWIDER writes from Kraków, Poland.

Welcoming Widows of War

‘SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS’

LIFE AFTER DEATH

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