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class="col-article__title"> <h1 > <div class="rich-text "> The Art of ‘Gentlefirmness’ </div> </h1> </div> <div class="col-article__date"> <time>June 1, 2025</time> </div> <div class="col-article__byline"> <span>By Andrew Abela</span> </div> <div class="col-article__date-mobile"> <time>June 1, 2025</time> </div> <section class="col-article__featured "> <figure class="image-block-wrapper"> <picture><source srcset="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/DomesticChurch_Leadership.jpg/eb155d143ca511f0bfef7e047c4dafe3?width=900&height=506" /><img src="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/DomesticChurch_Leadership.jpg/eb155d143ca511f0bfef7e047c4dafe3?width=900&height=506" alt="DomesticChurch_Leadership.jpg" loading="eager" class="img" decoding="auto" width="900" height="506" /></picture> <figcaption class="caption"> <div class="rich-text "> Christ Before Caiaphas (oil on canvas) by Honthorst, Gerrit van (1590-1656) (after); Museo Civico, Prato, Italy </div> </figcaption> </figure> </section> <section class="col-article__content-rich-text"> <div class="score-rich-text-block default default"> <div class="content-area "> <div class="rich-text "> <p>“Gentlefirmness” is a virtue for dealing with anger — and one that all leaders, especially parents, should develop. You’ve likely never heard the word before — because I made it up.</p> <p>The virtue’s real name is meekness, which many interpret as submissiveness or passivity. Yet, as we know Christ is “meek and humble of heart” (Mt 11:29), meekness is better defined as the habit of controlling one’s anger to remain simultaneously firm and gentle.</p> <p>Like most virtues, gentlefirmness is the mean between two extremes. Overcontrolling anger represses the emotion, leading one to believe there’s nothing to be angry about, or that it’s wrong to be angry. Undercontrolling results in explosive anger. Both are harmful and counterproductive.</p> <p>To grow in gentlefirmness, allow yourself to experience your anger, and use it as energy to stand firm, while remaining calm. Do the things you were taught: breathe deeply; pause until you calm down; ask the Holy Spirit to guide you — and recognize that you are starting to build a habit.</p> <p>Sooner than you might expect, you will find it easier to respond to anger, and you’ll be practicing the Christian virtue of gentlefirmness.</p> <p style="text-align: center;">*****</p> <p>ANDREW ABELLA, Ph.D., is the founding dean of the Busch School of Business at The Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C. A member of Padre Pio Council 10754 in Great Falls, Va., he is the author of <em>Superhabits</em> (2024).</p> </div> </div> </div> </section> </section> <section class="col-article__related-articles bg-colorExtraLightGrey"> <section class="article-card-block container"> <section class="article-card-block__title content-grid"> <h1 class="article-card-block__title__text grid-col-full text-left">Related Articles</h1> </section> <section class="article-card-block__cards content-grid"> <div class="article-card"> <div class="article-card__image"> <a href="/family/leadership/2026/01/baptized-to-lead/"> <picture><source srcset="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/Business+Leader+Reflecting.jpg/Zz0zZjE5NTllOGVjMGUxMWYwOTkwMGI2MGE3OWUyZjUwNw==?width=318&height=212" /><img src="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/Business+Leader+Reflecting.jpg/Zz0zZjE5NTllOGVjMGUxMWYwOTkwMGI2MGE3OWUyZjUwNw==?width=318&height=212" alt="FG Trade / iStock via Getty Images" loading="lazy" decoding="auto" width="318" height="212" /></picture> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details"> <div class="article-card__details__category"> <a href="/family/leadership/"> <h3>Leadership</h3> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title"> <a href=/family/leadership/2026/01/baptized-to-lead/> <h2>Baptized To Lead</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title-mobile"> <a href=/family/leadership/2026/01/baptized-to-lead/> <h2>Baptized To Lead</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__by-line"> <p>By Cristofer Pereyra</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser"> <p></p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser-mobile"> <p></p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="article-card"> <div class="article-card__image"> <a href="/family/leadership/2025/12/bear-one-anothers-burdens/"> <picture><source srcset="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/DomesticChurch_Leadership.jpg/Zz00ZmZhOGQ3MGNmYWYxMWYwOTg1YzM2ZjJhODgyZjU3NA==?width=318&height=212" /><img src="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/DomesticChurch_Leadership.jpg/Zz00ZmZhOGQ3MGNmYWYxMWYwOTg1YzM2ZjJhODgyZjU3NA==?width=318&height=212" alt="DomesticChurch_Leadership.jpg" loading="lazy" decoding="auto" width="318" height="212" /></picture> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details"> <div class="article-card__details__category"> <a href="/family/leadership/"> <h3>Leadership</h3> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title"> <a href=/family/leadership/2025/12/bear-one-anothers-burdens/> <h2>Bear One Another’s Burdens</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title-mobile"> <a href=/family/leadership/2025/12/bear-one-anothers-burdens/> <h2>Bear One Another’s Burdens</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__by-line"> <p>By David Kimbell</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser"> <p></p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser-mobile"> <p></p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="article-card"> <div class="article-card__image"> <a href="/family/leadership/2025/11/failure-is-not-an-option/"> <picture><source srcset="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/Domestic+Church+Leadership+GettyImages-1355037936-sRGB-small.jpg/57cbfa5eb0ea11f096474ebbc80d9d2d?width=318&height=212" /><img src="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/Domestic+Church+Leadership+GettyImages-1355037936-sRGB-small.jpg/57cbfa5eb0ea11f096474ebbc80d9d2d?width=318&height=212" alt="Domestic Church Leadership GettyImages-1355037936-sRGB-small.jpg" loading="lazy" decoding="auto" width="318" height="212" /></picture> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details"> <div class="article-card__details__category"> <a href="/family/leadership/"> <h3>Leadership</h3> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title"> <a href=/family/leadership/2025/11/failure-is-not-an-option/> <h2>Failure Is Not an Option</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title-mobile"> <a href=/family/leadership/2025/11/failure-is-not-an-option/> <h2>Failure Is Not an Option</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__by-line"> <p>By Daniel J. 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