Too Much of a Good Thing

March 1, 2024

By Dr. Ray Guarendi

March 1, 2024

A man and woman hugging — Morsa Images/DigitalVision via Getty Images

Communication is key in marriage — particularly when it comes to listening and apologizing. But in other ways, I believe that too much communication could be a bad sign. Here’s what I mean: You don’t want to be married 20 or 30 years and still be arguing about the same things. You want to be able to resolve stuff. That’s a sign of a healthy marriage.

It’s important to listen, and to know and respect how your spouse thinks. At the same time, if disagreements continuously percolate year after year, you’ve got to ask, “Why does this continue to be a sore spot in our marriage?”

Resolving issues often means accepting them. A spouse will come to me and say, “Oh, my spouse is a wonderful human being. But you know what he does? He knows that I want him to call me and let me know he’s going to be late, but he doesn’t.” I’ll ask, “Do you think he’s doing it because he doesn’t care about your schedule?” “No, I think he just gets sidetracked.” OK — can you accept this? Can you say, “I’m married to a wonderful person, but this is a flaw in his personality”?

In many marriages, spouses remain frustrated by the same stuff for 10, 20, 30 years. They haven’t gotten to the point where they decided, “I’m going to run with this because I can’t change it.” Remember: You cannot change your spouse if they don’t cooperate, and one practical tip for good communication is to accept it.

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DR. RAY GUARENDI is a clinical psychologist, author and national radio and television host. A member of Bishop McFadden Council 3777 in North Canton, Ohio, he and his wife, Randi, have 10 children, all of whom were adopted.

Too Much of a Good Thing

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