In working with college students over the years, we have noticed that a significant number of young people — including Catholics committed to living out their faith — are skeptical about marriage, especially the idea that a joyful marriage is possible.
Many have watched their families fall apart, and they’ve taken notes. Even if their parents stayed together, they often have a sense that Catholic marriage is inevitably marked by conflict, tension and a lack of warmth. While our society tends to reduce love to a simple emotion or mere feeling, it seems that some people have overcorrected: They think of love solely as an act of the will, neglecting the importance of emotion within marriage and family life.
Love and sacramental marriage do require an act of the will. As St. John Paul II wrote, true love “wills the good without limits” for the other. Marriage is very sacrificial. But spouses must also cultivate an affective, or emotional, connection with the other. This is key to a warm and joyful marriage. And studies have shown it is central to raising children, especially if we wish to pass our faith on to the next generation.
As parents, we give an unspoken witness. If we commit to doing the little things to build emotional unity, our children will notice — and will remember that joy as they discern their own vocations. In short, we must make an act of the will to connect emotionally with our spouse and children. We choose to love Christ — and love Christ in others — even during tough times, to pray for and with each other. Being intentional can make all the difference.
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ANDREW and SARAH SWAFFORD speak frequently around the world on dating, marriage and the moral and spiritual life. Andrew is a member of St. Benedict’s College Council 4708 at Benedictine College in Atchison, Kan., where he is a professor of theology.






