Marriage is hard, and it takes hard work. It inevitably involves pain and suffering. Christians are promised the cross, so we shouldn’t be surprised when the cross finds us in our marital vocations. Yet too often we seem shaken by the crosses of married life.
To admit that we struggle in marriage can seem an admission of defeat, a denigration of the beautiful truth of the Church’s teachings. However, it is key to a genuine life of faith. As the future Pope Benedict XVI once put it, “True believing means looking the whole of reality in the face, unafraid and with an open heart.”
It isn’t enough to be honest and forthright just with oneself. We also need others — friends who share our belief that marriage is for life and worth working at and working at and working at. We need friends who will be there to laugh with us, pray with us, and tell us candidly when we are being big meatheads who need to apologize to our wives. We need friends we can talk to about the warts in our marriage that aren’t obvious from curated social media posts. And we need to share our struggles long before they become a crisis.
So, too, we cannot forget our heavenly friends, the “cloud of witnesses” we read about in Hebrews 12:1. Pray to these friends and ask them to intercede on your behalf. A few names come to mind: St. Joseph and Our Lady, Sts. Joachim and Ann, St. Thomas More, Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, Blesseds Józef and Wiktoria Ulma. I am sure you can think of others. Read about their lives, and ask them for help.
Friends, on earth and in heaven, are integral to a good marriage. Seek them out. You and your marriage will be stronger because of it.
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CONOR B. DUGAN is a husband, father of four, and attorney who lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where he is a member of St. Stephen Council 15691.






