Ubi caritas gaudet, ibi est festivitas: Where love rejoices, there is festivity! These words of the great fourth-century doctor of the church St. John Chrysostom have been a motto for me and my wife, Angela, since we married 20 years ago. They resonated with us so strongly that we had them printed on the wedding favors for our guests! This quote does not express romanticized idealism but what life in Christ truly is about — rejoicing in God, who first loved us and taught us the way of love.
We can sometimes forget that marriage is ordered toward the good of the spouses as well as to the procreation and education of children. The intentional cultivation of a loving relationship and abiding friendship between spouses is key. As each of our five children arrived, Angela and I embraced the “happy chaos,” but we also made time for each other. Date night was (and remains) a priority. We spend time alone together not at the expense of our children but for their sake. We need that time in order to serve them and each other well.
Of course, in our two decades of marriage, there have been countless times when the realities of life have made it difficult not to fall into “survival mode.” It is a challenge to not lose touch with the priorities of marriage amid the busyness of work and family life. This is precisely why we have to be intentional. Our time together doesn’t always involve going out or spending money on a dinner. It can be a cup of coffee or time spent talking after the kids are in bed.
What makes for a great marriage, filled with joy and festivity, is willingly entering into the fray with self-sacrificial love. Love costs us everything, but that is what we promised to give on our wedding day — our whole self.
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ROLANDO MORENO is executive director of Chesterton Academy of the Willamette Valley and a member of St. Joseph Council 1748 in Salem, Ore.






