To us, marriage has felt like one really long date. Even after 27 years, our favorite thing is just being together. It’s been so good that it’s easy to forget all the years we spent trying, unsuccessfully, to get pregnant. Ultimately, the cross of infertility has served to strengthen our marriage and deepen our love and appreciation of the gift we are to each other. For couples living through a season, or maybe a lifetime, of infertility, we humbly offer guidance based on lessons we have learned along the way:
Remember that you and your spouse became a family on your wedding day. We have the habit of using the word “family” in the context of children, but by virtue of your marriage, you are a family, here and now.
When you’re feeling the weight of infertility, do something fruitful. Share the gifts of your family with others. If you’re up to it emotionally, why not offer to babysit so your friends can have a night out. Invite a single friend (or a priest!) to dinner. Call your mother!
Know what the Church teaches. When seeking medical answers, make sure you understand which treatments are permissible. If possible, seek a Catholic physician who will treat you holistically without any spiritual stumbling blocks.
Make time for romance. Yes, it’s cliché, but for good reason! Spend time with the one you love. Remember why you wanted to have children with this person in the first place.
Discern a call to adoption. Pursuing parenthood through adoption does not mean you’re giving up on ever conceiving a child; you can absolutely do both. We never did conceive and never really found out why; but if we had, we might not have our four wonderful sons, ages 3 to 20 — all ours through the beautiful gift of adoption.
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LEIGH FITZPATRICK SNEAD is a fellow with the Catholic Association. CARTER SNEAD, a longtime member of the Knights, is the Charles E. Rice Professor of Law at the University of Notre Dame in South Bend, Ind. They live in nearby Granger with their sons.






