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class="col-article__title"> <h1 > <div class="rich-text "> Spousal Sandpaper </div> </h1> </div> <div class="col-article__date"> <time>Nov. 1, 2025</time> </div> <div class="col-article__subtitle"> <span > <div class="rich-text "> Marriage, like anything of great value, takes faith, hope and a willingness to lose our rough edges </div> </span> </div> <div class="col-article__byline"> <span>By Stephen Colella</span> </div> <div class="col-article__date-mobile"> <time>Nov. 1, 2025</time> </div> <section class="col-article__featured "> <figure class="image-block-wrapper"> <picture><source srcset="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/Domestic+Church+Marriage-GettyImages-1490765582-sRGB-small.jpg/f3cbf66eb0ec11f095b2421bfebc1b18?width=900&height=506" /><img src="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/Domestic+Church+Marriage-GettyImages-1490765582-sRGB-small.jpg/f3cbf66eb0ec11f095b2421bfebc1b18?width=900&height=506" alt="Domestic Church Marriage-GettyImages-1490765582-sRGB-small.jpg" loading="eager" class="img" decoding="auto" width="900" height="506" /></picture> <figcaption class="caption"> <div class="rich-text "> Photo Courtesy of Hispanolistic/E+ via Getty Images </div> </figcaption> </figure> </section> <section class="col-article__content-rich-text"> <div class="score-rich-text-block default default"> <div class="content-area "> <div class="rich-text "> <p style="font-weight: 400;">In the sacrament of matrimony, God gives each spouse a unique tool for sanctification. It is the gift of the other person — intentionally designed with differences. The very person who once seemed “perfect” may soon begin to feel like “sandpaper,” rubbing us the wrong way. But such abrasion, rather than a polarizing problem, is truly part of God’s plan to smooth our rough edges, humble us, and help us become the saints we are called to be.</p> <p style="font-weight: 400;">The concept of “spousal sandpaper” is not meant to be derogatory but helpful. The differences, frustrations and conflicts that arise between husband and wife are not signs of failure or falling out of love. They are inevitable and must be accepted with much patience — and humor — as invitations to grow in love. These moments become real opportunities for deeper intimacy, communion and trust.</p> <p style="font-weight: 400;">Knights are called to be men who lead with virtue, modeling how to love well. Small acts of love and forgiveness, often hidden and unnoticed, are the very building blocks of a holy marriage. This means embracing the everyday call to holiness through the ordinary joys and struggles of married life — the daily opportunities to “die to self” and sacrifice for the good of one’s wife and family. </p> <p style="font-weight: 400;">The more a husband includes God in his marriage — through prayer and reception of the sacraments — the more he will witness grace at work. Even the hardest edges can become instruments of transformation. In time, what once felt abrasive becomes part of the polish.</p> <p style="font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">*****</p> <p style="font-weight: 400;">STEPHEN COLELLA is cabinet secretary for Parish Life in the Archdiocese of Miami and a member of St. Mark Council 13045. He and his wife, Kari, co-founded Annunciation Ministries: Evangelization Through Marriage.</p> </div> </div> </div> </section> </section> <section class="col-article__related-articles bg-colorExtraLightGrey"> <section class="article-card-block container"> <section class="article-card-block__title content-grid"> <h1 class="article-card-block__title__text grid-col-full text-left">Related Articles</h1> </section> <section class="article-card-block__cards content-grid"> <div class="article-card"> <div class="article-card__image"> <a href="/family/marriage/2026/01/the-seasons--of-marriage/"> <picture><source srcset="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/Snow+on+a+sunny+day.jpg/Zz0zZjhjYWQzMGVjMGUxMWYwYmZlM2I2MGE3OWUyZjUwNw==?width=318&height=212" /><img src="https://files.kofc.org/images/assets/Snow+on+a+sunny+day.jpg/Zz0zZjhjYWQzMGVjMGUxMWYwYmZlM2I2MGE3OWUyZjUwNw==?width=318&height=212" alt="aphrodite74 / E+ via Getty Images" loading="lazy" decoding="auto" width="318" height="212" 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class="article-card__details__by-line"> <p>By Joseph Pearce</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser"> <p>The measure of true manhood lies in the willingness to give up one’s life out of love </p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser-mobile"> <p>The measure of true manhood lies in the willingness to give up one’s life out of love </p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="article-card"> <div class="article-card__image"> <a href="/family/marriage/2025/06/love-bears-fruit/"> <picture><source srcset="https://images3.cmp.optimizely.com/assets/DomesticChurch_ForYourMarriage.jpg/Zz03ZmVmMzcyNjNjYTUxMWYwOGY4ZDZhYzZjZTU4NDI4Ng==?width=318&height=212" /><img src="https://images3.cmp.optimizely.com/assets/DomesticChurch_ForYourMarriage.jpg/Zz03ZmVmMzcyNjNjYTUxMWYwOGY4ZDZhYzZjZTU4NDI4Ng==?width=318&height=212" alt="DomesticChurch_ForYourMarriage.jpg" loading="lazy" decoding="auto" width="318" height="212" /></picture> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details"> <div class="article-card__details__category"> <a href="/family/marriage/"> <h3>Marriage</h3> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title"> <a href=/family/marriage/2025/06/love-bears-fruit/> <h2>Love Bears Fruit</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title-mobile"> <a href=/family/marriage/2025/06/love-bears-fruit/> <h2>Love Bears Fruit</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__by-line"> <p>By Leigh and Carter Snead</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser"> <p>Carrying the cross of infertility with Christ can become a path to unexpected gifts</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser-mobile"> <p>Carrying the cross of infertility with Christ can become a path to unexpected gifts</p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="article-card"> <div class="article-card__image"> <a href="/family/marriage/2025/05/the-bridegroom-of-our-souls/"> <picture><source srcset="https://images4.cmp.optimizely.com/assets/Wedding+at+Cana/Zz1iYWUwMTM1ODQ4NWYxMWYwOTU5NGUyNGVkYTlhYjhmMw==?width=318&height=212" /><img src="https://images4.cmp.optimizely.com/assets/Wedding+at+Cana/Zz1iYWUwMTM1ODQ4NWYxMWYwOTU5NGUyNGVkYTlhYjhmMw==?width=318&height=212" alt="Wedding at Cana" loading="lazy" decoding="auto" width="318" height="212" /></picture> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details"> <div class="article-card__details__category"> <a href="/family/marriage/"> <h3>Marriage</h3> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title"> <a href=/family/marriage/2025/05/the-bridegroom-of-our-souls/> <h2>The Bridegroom of Our Souls</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title-mobile"> <a href=/family/marriage/2025/05/the-bridegroom-of-our-souls/> <h2>The Bridegroom of Our Souls</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__by-line"> <p>By John Cuddeback</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser"> <p>In the sacrament of marriage, we are called to be a living sign of Christ’s love for the Church</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser-mobile"> <p>In the sacrament of marriage, we are called to be a living sign of Christ’s love for the Church</p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="article-card"> <div class="article-card__image"> <a href="/family/marriage/2025/04/where-love-rejoicespage/"> <picture><source srcset="https://images4.cmp.optimizely.com/assets/April2025_DomesticChurch_Marriage/Zz03ODM4YjRkZTNkOTExMWYwOGNhYzIyMmU4NjJjOGJmYg==?width=318&height=212" /><img src="https://images4.cmp.optimizely.com/assets/April2025_DomesticChurch_Marriage/Zz03ODM4YjRkZTNkOTExMWYwOGNhYzIyMmU4NjJjOGJmYg==?width=318&height=212" alt="Smiling woman hugging her husband on the couch from behind in the living room" loading="lazy" decoding="auto" width="318" height="212" /></picture> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details"> <div class="article-card__details__category"> <a href="/family/marriage/"> <h3>Marriage</h3> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title"> <a href=/family/marriage/2025/04/where-love-rejoicespage/> <h2>Where Love Rejoices</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title-mobile"> <a href=/family/marriage/2025/04/where-love-rejoicespage/> <h2>Where Love Rejoices</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__by-line"> <p>By Rolando Moreno</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser"> <p>A strong marriage requires that we intentionally cultivate a loving relationship with our spouse</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser-mobile"> <p>A strong marriage requires that we intentionally cultivate a loving relationship with our spouse</p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="article-card"> <div class="article-card__image"> <a href="/family/marriage/2025/03/help-your-spouse-to-heaven/"> <picture><source srcset="https://images2.cmp.optimizely.com/assets/March+2025_Domestic+Church+For+Your+Marriage.jpg/65b131843d7211f0bfef7e047c4dafe3?width=318&height=212" /><img src="https://images2.cmp.optimizely.com/assets/March+2025_Domestic+Church+For+Your+Marriage.jpg/65b131843d7211f0bfef7e047c4dafe3?width=318&height=212" alt="a bride and groom" loading="lazy" decoding="auto" width="318" height="212" /></picture> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details"> <div class="article-card__details__category"> <a href="/family/marriage/"> <h3>Marriage</h3> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title"> <a href=/family/marriage/2025/03/help-your-spouse-to-heaven/> <h2>Help Your Spouse to Heaven</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__title-mobile"> <a href=/family/marriage/2025/03/help-your-spouse-to-heaven/> <h2>Help Your Spouse to Heaven</h2> </a> </div> <div class="article-card__details__by-line"> <p>By Edward Sri</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser"> <p>Amid human failings, marriage models Christ’s love on the cross for the Church</p> </div> <div class="article-card__details__teaser-mobile"> <p>Amid human failings, marriage models Christ’s love on the cross for the Church</p> </div> </div> </div> </section> </section> </section> </main> <div class="jump-to-top-btn"> <button type="button" class="scrollToTopBtn"> <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" aria-labelledby="backToTopTitle backToTopDesc"> <title id="backToTopTitle">Back to top</title> <desc id="backToTopDesc">Click here to scroll back to the top</desc> <circle cx="11" cy="11" r="11" transform="translate(1 1)" fill="#fff" opacity="0.65" /> <g transform="translate(0.375 0.399)"> <g> <path d="M0,11.8A11.8,11.8,0,1,1,11.8,23.6,11.814,11.814,0,0,1,0,11.8m21.529,0A9.728,9.728,0,1,0,11.8,21.528,9.739,9.739,0,0,0,21.529,11.8" transform="translate(0 0)" fill="#626161" /> <path 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