Be Apology Willing

September 1, 2026

Families with strong foundations are grounded in words and deeds of forgiveness

By Dr. Ray Guarendi

September 1, 2026

Children expressing forgiveness — StockPlanets / iStockphoto via Getty Images

“I’m sorry” — two small words, three short syllables, two seconds to say. They become everyday words in many Catholic households, yet they can also remain unspoken for days, months or even years.

Sometimes, apology aversion begins young.

“Angela, please tell Art you’re sorry for stepping on his drawing.” Angela’s puzzled gaze at her mother asks, “What drawing? What brother?”

“Go on. He’s waiting,” Mom continues.

“So?” her silence says. “I can wait longer.”

Persuasion being futile, Mom acts: “Angela, you will sit on the steps until you’re ready to tell your brother you’re sorry.”

Her stiff-lipped stance speaks volumes: “If you make me, I’ll say it. Just know I don’t want to. Something about those words really bothers me.”

Parents teach their children, “When you’re wrong, say you’re sorry. It’s the right thing to do.” Yet somewhere between childhood and adulthood, the instruction can lose momentum. The right thing to do becomes the hard thing to do. But it’s this hard thing that helps make families resilient, strong and loving.

What does an apology actually say? It says, “I acted badly,” not, “I’m a bad person.” It says, “I messed up,” not, “I’m a mess.” An apology simply means, “At that time and place, I did or said something wrong.”

Say that you and I have been arguing loud and long. I estimate my wrongdoing at 20%, yours at 80%. You estimate the reverse. Whatever the actual ratio, do I have anything at all to apologize for? My apology doesn’t depend on your share of the blame. It depends on mine, however low I think it is. In any heated exchange, chances are each party said or did something apology-worthy.

While it’s true that actions may speak louder than words, saying “I’m sorry” may speak louder than simply acting sorry. The words add credibility. The best apologies are words backed by action.

When parents say “I’m sorry” followed by a genuine gesture of love, it can have powerful ripple effects on their children. Giving apologies begets apologies. A sincere “I’m sorry” encourages reciprocation and reconciliation.

In sum, few words carry the healing potential of “I’m sorry,” “I apologize” and “Forgive me.” Even if misunderstood, the intent behind them is worthy.

*****

DR. RAY GUARENDI is a clinical psychologist, author and national radio and television host. A member of Bishop McFadden Council 3777 in North Canton, Ohio, he and his wife, Randi, have 10 children, all of whom were adopted.

Be Apology Willing

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